I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
