Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
