im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
