How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
