Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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