yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
