I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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