I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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