I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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