My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
how do flat chested girls get laid?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize