i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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