dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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