the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The ass gains better be worth it
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