then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
