I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
