you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
