reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She needs sedatives and a leash
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
