She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
