Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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