I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
