Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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