ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
