it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
