If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize