i don't like sucking hair
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
