A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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