I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
