Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize