It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
