my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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