i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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