I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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