I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
How external is "for external use only"?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
