Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
