Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
