dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
