What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
