I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize