I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
