So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
