Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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