she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize