It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
not ubering you a puppy
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
