Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
me + whiskey = a bad person
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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