I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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