why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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