Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
