Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
