last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
