i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
