I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
How external is "for external use only"?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
