I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
