i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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