u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
