I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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