Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
