i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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