3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
