Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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