What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
True strength comes from lack of pants
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
