She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
