weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
