you will always have a special place in my vag
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
