you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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