I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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