somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
