She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
