Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize